08.17.06
Sorry we’re closed for the month, please call again
They should hang this big giant sign at every point of entrance to France each year during the month of August. What is it with these French people ALL taking their vacation at the same time? Everything was closing for many weeks in Paris. The one night we asked my Mom and sister to watch Evelyne, Dylan and I wanted to go to a nice restaurant in Paris. I called six of the best restaurants in town (all from a “top up-and-coming new places” list): all of them were freakin’ CLOSED. It drove me nuts. How dare these French people take their vacation during the summer and how dare they not be capitalist enough to want my money ;-)?
The trip was great, and yet it felt awfully good to be back home. Evelyne was awesome most of the time. She is quite the little traveller. But being out of my regular environment for so long was pretty hard on me. There were two things in particular that I found tough:
- Always being with someone. Whether it was my daughter, my husband, my Mom, my sister, my brother… There was always someone around. I had very few chances to be completely alone during 5 weeks. I couldn’t find the right situation/day/opportunity to just drop Evelyne in someone else’s lap to go for a walk or to run some errands. And had I tried to spend more time by myself, I probably would have felt guilty about it. In any case, it weighed on me very heavily towards the end of my stay. A few days before we left, I spent an hour alone wandering in the streets of the Marais in Paris. I never felt so giddy in my life I think. 10 minutes into my walk, I was smiling at everyone I passed by. I felt FREE, and LIGHT, and CARELESS! I have really enjoyed my days alone when Evelyne is at Bronya’s since we’ve returned even if they have been mostly unproductive.
- Having to comply with someone else’s schedule on top of Evelyne’s. My schedule revolves around my daughter’s, and I hadn’t realized to which degree that is true. I guess I unconsciously was expecting the same from others, and when they didn’t (which is perfectly normal: why would someone who doesn’t live with a child think of naps, feedings, andother baby imperatives), well there were obvious tensions. This is particularly true with my mother who is living at the pace of a retiree (albeit a very active one). I felt constantly stretched between her and my daughter and never felt I was spending adequate time or paying adequte attention to either. And it didn’t help that my mom kept telling me that I looked tired and stressed. No mom, I am not stressed, stop stressing me by telling me I’m stressed, I AM NOT STRESSED I said 
Of course I was stressed. My vacations in France are always a bit stressful anyway.
So lessons learned. Next time, I think I’ll find more opportunities to leave Evelyne with others and enjoy some time for myself, and I will reserve some time for Dylan, Evie, and I to just go spend a few days as a small nice little nuclear family so that I can take a vacation from my vacation.